Without his team having played a single game in the Santa
Lechuga Power League, the young and enterprising Malcolm Foley
has become the single most detested owner in the history of the
league, which is remarkable considering the long list of detestable
owners that have been in the league. Rewriting the playbooks
of infamous professional sports team owners Al Davis and George
Steinbrenner, Foley successfully manipulated the legal system,
international treaties, the World Bank, and a dim-witted league
commissioner in order to land a team in the SLPL. The suit Foley
brought against current league owners in 2002 -- claiming that
they unfairly, unduly, and incompetently tried to prevent him
from joining the league just because he's in grade school --
has generated deep animosity.
League players don't like him, either. Because he relocated
his team to Copenhagen, Denmark (from Jackson, CA) before the
beginning of the season, players have become hostile toward Foley.
Said one player, speaking on the condition of anonymity, "That
kid screwed up my life. I've got a wife and a child at home in
Jackson. Because of this dipwad, I'll get to see them like two
days a month during the season."
Foley is youngest-ever SLPL owner. Still, he has single-handedly
embarrassed current team owners, moved his team to Europe, secured
a spot for his team in the league, and forced the league to give
him a regular column on the SLPL website.
Foley lives with his mom, his dad, and his sister. He's rumored
to have an irrational fear of horses.