September 29, 2002

Bovines Win SLPL Regular Season, Dammit!

Commissioner Rube Furrow warned everyone several months ago that this could happen. He even proposed radical action to prevent it from happening. But the regular MLB season has ended and -- wouldn't you know it? -- the Stampeding Bovines have won the regular season jackpot. Owner John (Sam) Livernois (aka Homer Bedlow) paid little or no attention to the operations of the league or his team most of the year, yet managed to pull off this stunning victory. Congratulations, Sam. I guess . . . Sam's victory means that he'll get a whole bunch of cash, which hasn't been determined yet. And he could get more if he manages to survive the post-season charge. The way the payouts work, league officials will divvy up money to division winners, hitting and pitching champs, bonus point champs, and playoff champ and the rest will be split among the regular season champion and the overall champion . . . Which reminds Rube: If you owe us money, send it quick . . . Which reminds Rube of one other thing: KO Kid owner Ken Ottmar hasn't even remitted his entry fee yet. Rube has thus far diplomatically refused to name Ottmar as the long holdout. But Ottmar's wedding announcement appeared in the Herald today, so now's as good a time to pile on the humiliation . . . Once again, SLPL Webmaster Tony Livernois is doing a bang-up job preparing for the postseason. Check the website soon for some great new features. All team ownership groups should know that figuring point totals during the postseason is going to be a major pain in the wazoo, but Tony is up to the task . . . IMPORTANT REMINDER FOR ALL TEAM OWNERSHIP GROUPS: Your team may have wallowed down near the basement most of the year, but many of you have a great chance to gain ground in the division races and even the overall championship during the coming weeks. Here's how the postseason works:

During the Divisional Playoffs
. Hitters earn 20 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 2 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 2 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 10 points for every homer surrendered

During the League Championship Series
. Hitters earn 50 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 5 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 5 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 20 points for every homer surrendered

During the World Series
. Hitters earn 100 points for every home run hit
. Hitters lose 10 points for every K
. Pitchers earn 10 points for every K
. Pitchers lose 50 points for every homer surrendered

If you'll check the rosters, you'll see that several team ownership groups have up to eight or nine players going into the postseason. Lisa Brown of My !#$&*#*! Team still carries 11 players going into the Divisional Playoffs, while Lisa Gallagher of The Balls still has 10. The next couple of weeks ought to be a blast!

©2002 Tony Livernois and Joe Livernois. All rights reserved.

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