May 1, 2002

Current SLPL Leader Simply Remarkable

Since wrestling control of first place in the Overall Standings on April 20, The Dude's owner Dude (James Gallagher) hasn't looked back. With a hitting lineup that has a remarkable 65 home runs and a pitching lineup that has remarkable 223 strikeouts, Dude is making quite an impression on his fellow owners. The most remarkable thing about Dude (who happens to be the cousin of last year's champ Scott Brown) is that he's just 10-years-old. While the young Copenhagen Sound owner Malcolm Foley (Marcus Rochellle) was kicking up a firestorm and raising hell with the SLPL commissioner's office during the off-season, Dude chose to spend his time picking an awesome roster. Foley might ponder that for a while.

Thunderdome Owner Sells Out Mother

Pedregoso recently received the following e-mail from Thunderdome owner Kevin Klinkhamer:

Well, you had to start talking sh*t about my boy Mo Vaughn. Don't get me wrong, it was funny stuff! But you posted it the night before he comes off the DL. I called him in Montreal and when he heard your story, he went ape sh*t and guarenteed (sic) at least 2 homers tomorrow against the Expos. So maybe it might help me and the Mets after all.

While vigorously defending Mo Vaughn -- a player he calls "my boy" but doesn't even put on his roster -- Kevin didn't say a word about the fact that the same article accused his very own mother, Dago T's owner Sue Klinkhamer, of tax evasion and secret back-room dealings. It doesn't seem right that Kevin would actually defend Bloated Mo while neglecting to say anything to defend his own mother, the lady that brought him into the world and gave him life. No wonder Beat Some Ash owner Jack M. Outt (Dave Jannusch) has been heard to call Kevin's team "Dunderhead." Incidentally, Vaughn didn't hit those two home runs against the Expos. He didn't even hit one.

Reilly Causes Furrow to Blow Gasket

It's rumored that the recent Rick Reilly column in Sports Illustrated -- which took Fantasy Baseball geeks to task for being Fantasy Baseball geeks and for not having lives -- caused SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow to cower in a corner like a buxom blond actress in a Friday the 13th sequel. An e-mail intercepted from an SLPL office worker said:

Rube's been in his office the last two weeks balled up in the fetal position, screaming like a banshee, sobbing his head off. Just when you think he's done blubbering, he starts mewing like a kitten, then starts hollering all over again. That Riley article really blew a gasket in his head. I guess it hit a little too close to home for him.

The nationally-known Reilly, on hearing about Furrow's reaction to his column, said: "It doesn't surprise me that Rube took it so personally. I was really writing about him."

Reilly clearly doesn't mind alienating a couple million geeks, so it will be fun to hear how he reacts when he hears about HBO's next project, which is a "reality franchise that would allow viewers to track the progress of a minor league baseball team -- and then control its destiny via the Internet." Lifelong buddies and Hollywood superstars Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are apparently behind project. It sounds like a real Fantasy Baseball geek's dream come true. Click here to read more about it.

Tumbleweeds Seen Blowing Through SLPL Message Board

It's hard not to notice the lack of trash talk taking place in the SLPL Message Boards. Seems that some of those who were doing well at the beginning of the season -- the early trash talkers -- aren't doing so well anymore. It also appears that those who are doing well now have learned from those who've already inserted their feet in their mouths. Even so, I miss the trash talk. C'mon guys, let's get it going again.

©2002 Tony Livernois and Joe Livernois. All rights reserved.

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By Pedregoso Rios, Majority Owner, Pepino Monos