Bio: Pedregoso Ríos

What can be said about Pedregoso Ríos that hasn't already been said? Pretty much everything. This guy is so obscure that a pseudonym would be pointless. He's so anonymous that his wife doesn't even know him. (Or maybe that can be attributed to his complete lack of communications skills.) It's been said that people see air more often than they see Pedregoso Ríos.

This much we know about him: Ríos owns the Pepino Monos in the Santa Lechuga Power League. He writes a semi-regular column for the Official SLPL Website. He broke a major international story in 2001 when he covered the devastation at Endive Stadium. And Ríos has the world's largest clothespin collection with 1,632 varieties from 42 countries that date back as far as 350 years.

Ríos' fellow owners in the Santa Lechuga Power League clearly do not like him. One was quoted as saying "Drink coasters serve more of a purpose to humanity." Another SLPL owner said "Rug burns have more character than Pedregoso Ríos." SLPL Commissioner Rube Furrow was recently overheard saying "Pedregoso is Spanish for 'stony,' right? Makes sense. He's as smart as a box of rocks."

Little is known of his personal life, but it's likely that he doesn't have one. He's said to live with his wife outside Santa Lechuga in a battered trailer off of Mal Accidente Road.

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Last Updated on 03/17/2002
By Pedregoso Rios, Majority Owner, Pepino Monos

©2002 Tony Livernois and Joe Livernois